Women Continue to Want Marriage, But Men are Saying No

Great article found here. So great that I am reposting the entire piece below with my comments mixed in:

From Suzanne Venker:

The battle of the sexes is alive and well. According to Pew Research Center, the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997 – from 28 percent to 37 percent. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent.

Believe it or not, modern women want to get married. Trouble is, men don’t.

Cause, meet effect. Modern women are the cause and men are choosing not to marry, the effect. Mind you, its not just women as women in the traditional sense, but “modern women”, who by my own observations probably count for 9 out of 10 women I come across.  This is probably a good time to clarify how I see the difference between a “modern woman” and a feminist (as I realize it can be confusing). Broadly speaking, there is no difference.  Technically, there is. Fewer and fewer women are identifying with feminism as it has become a loaded term, but that does not mean they are  free from feminist ideas or have not been molded by a feminist driven culture; therefore, I find the term “modern women” as more inclusive to include any woman who is motivated by wordliness, trends, pop culture, opinions of the sisterhood, etc.  If I strictly referred to ‘feminists’ when writing, it would miss the largest, most important, and even dangerous segment of women–those who are feminists, but don’t realize it.

The so-called dearth of good men (read: marriageable men) has been a hot subject in the media as of late. Much of the coverage has been in response to the fact that for the first time in history, women have become the majority of the U.S. workforce. They’re also getting most of the college degrees. The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women.

As the author of three books on the American family and its intersection with pop culture, I’ve spent thirteen years examining social agendas as they pertain to sex, parenting, and gender roles. During this time, I’ve spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of men and women. And in doing so, I’ve accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who’ve told me, in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same.

Women aren’t women anymore.

To say gender relations have changed dramatically is an understatement. Ever since the sexual revolution, there has been a profound overhaul in the way men and women interact. Men haven’t changed much – they had no revolution that demanded it – but women have changed dramatically.

In a nutshell, women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs.

Now the men have nowhere to go.

It is precisely this dynamic – women good/men bad – that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry. Heck, men have been to blame since feminists first took to the streets in the 1970s.

But what if the dearth of good men, and ongoing battle of the sexes, is – hold on to your seats – women’s fault?

You’ll never hear that in the media. All the articles and books (and television programs, for that matter) put women front and center, while men and children sit in the back seat. But after decades of browbeating the American male, men are tired. Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.

Rightfully so, and this is why I support the MGTOW movement and understand when men do not see marriage as a personal goal or a moral duty.

Contrary to what feminists like Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men, say, the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them.

I like how she is very clear –“it has pissed them off” and suggests men have good reason to feel that way.

“They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them.”

This is how men haven’t changed. There hasn’t been a movement (until recently) that convinces or reassures men to shrug off their instincts as there was for women. For the record, I don’t think it is good thing that men or women are straying from their roles, but what I think or feel doesn’t matter–reality matters and in reality causes have effects.  Modern women cannot tip the scales between the sexes and expect there to be no consequences.

Interestingly enough, women are the ones who see marriage as being important, yet I think what is key is that it is marriage as defined by them and on their terms, which is not a marriage where men primarily provide and protect. They have a ‘brave new world’ vision of marriage or ‘marriage 2.0’ and it does not mesh with the ‘marriage 1.0’ vision that most men grew up picturing.  Marriage is a relative term and is no longer an institution with expected behaviors and guideline to follow. I’d like to suggest a good question for a man to ask a woman is –“what does marriage mean to you”?  However, the problem with that is you only get an answer of what marriage means to that woman at that particular instance in time.  With the flux of woman’s emotions and the tendency to follow sisterhood think, her views on marriage can change the day after the wedding, two years after the wedding, or 10 years and 2 children after the wedding.

It’s all so unfortunate – for women, not men. Feminism serves men very well: they can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever.

It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature they’re forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals – they need men to pick up the slack at the office – in order to live the balanced life they seek.

So if men today are slackers, and if they’re retreating from marriage en masse, women should look in the mirror and ask themselves what role they’ve played to bring about this transformation.

Here is the response I suspect will occur—“it wasn’t me”! ( a variant of NAWALT or Not All Women Are Like That). Then this–“it was the radical feminists with their man hating messages that screwed things up, I’m not like that, so what role have I played?”   So, the solution for today’s modern women is to do nothing, rather than try to change the negative view of women.  Doing nothing is playing a role.

Fortunately, there is good news: women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs.

If they do, marriageable men will come out of the woodwork.


  1. SUZANNE: Your article is so inline with what I have seen since the 70s. I just wish people had read this in droves. I believe that the churches have let all of us down w.r.t. this major issue of all but, government policies have fueled feminist doctrine to a massive extent. I hate to say this but I know that the worst is yet to come. Your article is a bit old but fresh as today’s date AND will continue to be the Truth.

  2. There aren’t that nice women to meet as it is to get married with, and i certainly wish the good old fashioned women were still around.

  3. As long as Western culture remains on the course it has set, Jacob, you best look elsewhere in a 3rd world country while they are still normal. It will get worse here as much as I would like to see hopeful changes. Good luck Jacob

  4. Fortunately most women are quite easy to get into bed, simply identify their vice and provide it. No need to marry them, simply conquer one after another.

  5. Feminism has changed things but so has the obesity epidemic. If male peacocks lost their beautiful feathers you can bet mating season wouldn’t run smoothly. We accept this as self evident. Over the past century humans have gone from slim to obese. This is a shock to the ancient algorithms in our brain and it has reduced our desire to pair up or stay together. As a man I can say that roughly half of all young women aren’t dateable simply because of their weight. If I was a woman I would probably have the same opinion of young men. This isn’t superficial thinking. When an animal doesn’t look healthy it’s a huge hit to it’s innate attractiveness. Weight is part of the health equation and it’s crushing our sex drives. Literally.

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