You Don’t Have to be Beautiful to Live Happily Ever After

In recently watching Shrek 2 again, some 10 years later, a powerful message emerged—that to live happily ever after you don’t need a lot of the fixings and trimming society makes you think you need or rather what the red pill princess’ think you need. As you will see from the lyrics and clip below, the fairy godmother can’t even fathom the possibility that happily ever after can exist unless you are beautiful, have tons of beautiful things and a beautiful man, more commonly known as Prince Charming.

 

Your fallen tears have called to me
so here comes my sweet remedy
I know what every princess needs
for her to live life, happily…

With just a wave of my magic wand
your troubles will soon be gone
with a flick of the wrist
in just a flash
you’ll land a prince with a ton of cash
a high priced dress made by mice, no less
crystal glass pumps and no more stress
Your worries will vanish
Your soul will cleanse
confide in your very own furniture friends
we’ll help you start a new fashion trend!

I’ll make you fancy
I’ll make you great
the kind of gal the prince would date
they’ll write your name on the bathroom wall
“For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call!”

A sporty new carriage to ride in style
Sexy man, my chauffer Kyle!
I’ll vanish your blemishes,
tooth decay,
cellulite thighs will fade a way
And oh, what the hey!
Have a bichon frisee!

Nip and tuck, here and there
to land the prince with the perfect hair,
Lipstick, liners, shadow, blush!
To get that prince with a sexy tush!
Lucky day! A bouquet!
You and the prince take a roll in the hay!
You can swoon on the moon
with the prince
to this tune!
Don’t be drab, you’ll be fab!
Your prince will have rock hard abs!
Cheese soufflee!
Have a nice day!
Have some chicken fricosseu

Fiona: “Stop! Thank you, very much, Fairy Godmother, but I’m afraid that I don’t need all this!”
All: (Astonished murmuring)
Dresser: “Fine. Be that way.”

This is how the red pill princesses come across. They present themselves as knowing what every woman needs to live happily ever after and are shocked when they learn that some have beautiful lives without all those trappings.

They offer some sort of snake oil, magic potion, or wave of a magic want to fix all of a woman’s trouble. Its just that easy! They will make you great, the kind of man a prince (alpha) would date! A focus is put on outward beauty, having perfect skin and perfect make-up, because of course no man could ever love you with a pimple or make-up free. Of course I have to say as a disclaimer, I am for make-up and taking care of your looks, but not to the obsessive levels some seem to take it that screams vanity.

The funny thing is Shrek and Princess Fiona didn’t have any troubles. They were happy in their own ogre skin and living in their swamp (as opposed to the UMC or castle life), but its everyone else who thought they needed “fixed”. They weren’t outwardly beautiful, so they couldn’t be happy and therefore needed fixed. They bucked the theme of all fairy tales, that you have to be beautiful to live happily ever after.

Not Every Man Wants to be the “BIg Swinging Dick”

See this comment by Cail.

While I generally want to agree with something like that, I have also lived too much in the real world to know that not every man is sex crazed or feels sex is the end all, be all of every problem. A few years ago, when the red pill women were coming onto the scene and all the advice about “steak and blowjobs” was all the rage (and still is), I forwarded some of those links to a friend who was having marital problems. She followed the advice and did pretty much to a tee what Cail suggests, but her husband exploded (and not in the way you would think), in a rage he accused her of being “obsessed with sex” and “trying to make him into a porn star”.  She called me crying that I only made the situation worse and they have been on the rocks ever since. So, this is one reason I am critical of the women and men who promote such things, because not every man is just like their husband or just like them (if a man is saying it).

Some men are just low-drive to start of are clinically depressed and all the sex in the world won’t make them feel better and a wife who pushes the sex issue with a man who just doesn’t want it, will be a nag. Since then, I try to not dispense advice. Its best for people to just figure out what works on their own while being a good listener and not pretending like you know all the answers. When I started blogging, just like so many of the newcomers, I thought my way was the best way and that manosphere’s way was the best way, but as you live life and life humbles you, you quickly learn so many of people’s problems are far more complex and can’t always be fixed with cosmo-style canned, cliché advice.

Loving Your Husband “Just Right”

In relation to the theme of this post, where it seems women can just never get submission right, something else I have noticed is there is also a certain sweet spot for loving your husband properly. If you don’t hit that spot you are either a horrible, rebellious, sinful woman on one extreme or on the other you make an idol out of your husband.  When I say “loving” I also mean admiring, respecting or any other positive term.

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being a woman who hates her husband and 10 being a woman who is so enthralled with her husband she makes him an idol, it seems most women need to be in the 5-8 range in order to pass muster with the council of holy wives. A 5 would be a content, pleasant woman. Good enough and satisfactory, but not quite idea. She would be the one who is allegedly just “obeying” and not submitting and would be encouraged to try harder.  A 6-8 woman would be one who shows enthusiasm (wait, I mean cheerfulness and joy), but if a woman starts to have too much joy, too much enthusiasm, revolves her world around him too much why then she has made an idol of her husband. So, this is a danger zone as well.

Its like Goldilocks and the Three Bears where the porridge has to be “just right”. This bowl is too hot, this bowl is too cold.

An Interesting Comment on Seduction

From this post, a commenter says:

Eavan July 14, 2015 at 11:43 am

The fear from advocates of seduction is palpable – it’s really about controlling their husband’s sexuality, even if it’s couched in terms of meeting his deeply-felt need for a whorish woman, because apparently whores are enthusiastic in a way wives never are and wives need to learn this “skill”. We have to have these skills because otherwise he might use porn or look at other women or be tempted to adultery. As with all lies, though, there’s enough truth to make it difficult to disagree with. Who doesn’t want their spouse to be enraptured and lost in love? If you disagree with seduction, then you must be hatefully frigid and your husband terribly unhappy and dying a slow death being married to you. Even women who have long, happy marriages with sexually contented husbands fall into this category if they disagree with the seduction premise. I’ve obviously not read everything, but it’s interesting that I’ve never heard holy older women (the ones who are supposed to teach the younger about love) advocating seducing husbands.

ECH

Modern Women are a Trainwreck

I heard a radio commercial for the movie “Trainwreck” and my ears perked up when I heard manosphere meme #2347892 broadcasted loud and clear.  One woman asks another woman something like, “who was the best sex you ever had”. The woman, responds “he’s in jail”.  HA! The natural bad boy equals best sex.  I went looking for the trailer to get the exact line that I heard on the radio and could not find the same trailer, but check this out (Warning: dirty version of trailer posted for full effect):

Official synopsis:

“Since she was a little girl, it’s been drilled into Amy’s (Schumer) head by her rascal of a dad (Colin Quinn) that monogamy isn’t realistic. Now a magazine writer, Amy lives by that credo-enjoying what she feels is an uninhibited life free from stifling, boring romantic commitment-but in actuality, she’s kind of in a rut. When she finds herself starting to fall for the subject of the new article she’s writing, a charming and successful sports doctor named Aaron Conners (Bill Hader), Amy starts to wonder if other grown-ups, including this guy who really seems to like her, might be on to something.

My synopsis: Drunk, chunky, slut, party girl gets doctor to fall in love with her. Yeah, that happens all the time!

There is one scene in the trailer where another presumably happily married woman says “don’t get all threatened just because you don’t understand the concept of marriage”.  Then Amy says, “you dress him like that so no one wants to have sex with him, oh that’s cool.” Some other lines:

“I am just a modern chick who does what she wants…last week it was this guy.”

“I’m doing fine–my friends are awesome, my apartment is sick, and I have a GREAT job…..”

Keep checking off the manosphere memes!

This is the quintessential tale of the modern woman and it is poison for women because it reinforces the feminist  message that women can slut it up, party away, and basically look like a sloppy bum and in the end she can still get the dream man, her alpha man, or her fairytale. Notice how right away the thought is put into our heads to blame men for Amy’s behavior. Afterall, she is only this way because her dad drilled into her head that monogamy doesn’t work.

The title of this movie is spot on –Trainwreck. Sadly, what so many women have now become.

Will Women ever Get Submission Right?!

The  topic of submission has been debated endlessly in the manosphere. For many years I have watched with amusement in how complicated submission is made out to be. In the end, it seems like women somehow always get it wrong. Even when making an effort, its still not good enough.

In a comment at Dalrock’s I said,

“Articles and posts on submission and how to be a good wife should be the shortest article/book in the world with one page saying “do what your husband requires” and the rest all blank pages.”

Then Elspeth responded:

Would that it were so simple, Laura. While I agree with you that it should be that simple, unfortunately for many women the issue is not one of obedience, but heart attitude. It’s one thing for a wife to obey the way a child does when you tell him to eat his vegetables or clean his room. He has done what is required, but often with his whole body offering the real feelings behind his obedience. But you expect some of that from an 8-year-old who doesn’t fully appreciate the long term reward that comes from learning obedience today.

It’s a different issue when it comes to husband and wife. If you have been friends with or related to a couple who operates on this dynamic (and my husband has a friend who could have written that), then you quickly see the difference between “just do as your husband requires” and a sincere desire to do as your husband requires. The first is a childlike, pouting obedience because you have to. The latter is borne of growth in faith in God and loving gratitude for what your husband adds to your life. Husbands know the difference, as indicated in the linked comment.

2 Corinthians 9:7 says that even God wants us to give to Him as we have purposed in our hearts, not grudgingly or of necessity, for He loves a cheerful giver. If God, who is all loving and merciful, prefers loving and cheerful obedience, how well do we expect a man to take a wife who doles her “submission” out piecemeal solely because she has to? Sometimes circumstances dictate that it’s all you can muster, but always?

Submission and obedience are actually not the same thing, which is why women like Lori Alexander and April at The Peaceful Wife are valuable. Someone needs to help wives who want it learn the tools to crucify their flesh and to respect and submit to their husbands joyfully. My ego was too quick to get in the way of my ability to do that online. I have decided to plant seeds as the opportunity presents and move on trusting that God will provide others to water and that He will give the increase. As Dragonfly described, standing down and simply living real life often provokes curious questions and comments which provide an opportunity to drop a seed and move on.

I appreciate Chris noting that my marriage advice was rarely ever more specific that “listen to your husband”, and the kind words from Julian and Mark, but it takes a certain special kind of woman to attempt Titus 2 online unless you’re going to do it privately, and I have come to grips with the fact that I ain’t her.

“Read the comment Elspeth links to. Its a man (John) whose wife is submitting, but in a robotic fashion, not an enthusiastic fashion. John says his wife is pleasant, but apparently not pleasant enough and so of course this woman gets it wrong. John said he is finally experiencing peace, but again I guess that is not enough peace. Women are told that they aren’t entitled to an alpha, well either are men entitled to a woman who submits perfectly. Why can’t men find contentment in what they have the way women are always told to? John even says his wife is content, but that he is far from it. So, here is a situation where a woman is content, what the ladies always tell women they should be, but she still gets it wrong because she has failed to also make her husband content. A woman (or man) does not have the power to make others happy or content. That has got to come from within.   It seems he is far better off than most men, but still discontent with his lot and that is his wife’s fault for not being enthusiastic enough. If this story were reversed and a woman said she was not content with her man even though he made serious changes she would be raked over coals. If a woman said, “I’m still not happppppy”. Just imagine! It would make for a Dalrock “outta the park” post.

Ultimately, it may be boring submission, but its still submission, or obedience, or something good . Would we rather she divorce him? Note that John said things became peaceful when he started leading, which suggests that women can’t just submit until the man first leads. Funny–this is generally a big no-no to suggest in the manosphere. This wife did not “just submit or obey on her own with no impetus the husband did something that CAUSED her to change.

It may truly be this is all she can muster forever and always because there was no attraction from the beginning. If she just married for kids or family pressure, etc., then she is making the best of it the only way she knows how. I am not of the camp that believes attraction or desire can be manufactured if it was never there to start. His wife sounds like the passive, stoic, loner type and she may be this way with everyone and if that is the case, as women are always told, “you picked him, suck it up, be content with what you do have.”

Women are not truly submitting until they outgrow the childish, robotic phase and do so with enthusiasm, but I contend for some women this just won’t ever happen because of no attraction. Let’s at least be happy that they can do something and that they aren’t divorcing.  Does God not recognize her efforts or does it only truly count if she is doing it joyfully? This can make a woman throw her hands in the air and just give up. Either submission is not joyful enough or its too easy. Maybe she is suppose to fake joy, so that then she gets credit for struggling. Yes, then her husband can tell its fake, but I have heard advice in these parts that women should “fake it till they make it” and always shook my head, because yes indeed a husband can tell if her heart isn’t in it. Faking it just doesn’t work. Joy, attraction, desires, all of that can’t be manufactured. To the women who enthusiastically, joyfully submit, those boucing off the walls as “goddesses of love and light”, can they just flip a switch and chose to be unjoyful and unenthusiastic. Most likely not. It is either their or its not.

To close, I have noticed its now the latest trend in submission theory to says its not about simply obeying, its about having a super-stellar attitude as well and if you don’t have the whole package, it just doesn’t count. If a woman is truly into her man, she will naturally have a good attitude and attempts to manufacture it won’t be needed.

Beware of Relationship Gurus

From the Blackdragon Blog, I did not know this about Dr. Laura:

“Dr. Laura was a hugely successful radio talk show host who gave advice on relationship issues, mostly marriage and relationships. Being a right-wing Christian, she regularly berated callers, quite angrily, about how they should not “shack up” (i.e. move in with someone) unless legally married, how people should be faithful in marriage, how people should pick quality partners, how people shouldn’t get divorced, how women shouldn’t have babies out of wedlock, how people should respect their family, etc.

She made millions upon millions of dollars with this advice, and was almost a household name.

Just one problem. She had blatantly and repeatedly violated all the advice she gave. She dated a married man. He actually moved in with her, while not being married to her, and stayed with her for nine years. After his divorce, they finally got married. Why? Because she got pregnant. Out of wedlock.

She didn’t speak to her own sister or mother for 18 years. Her mom died alone in her apartment, and no one knew for two months until her dead body started to stink up the place. Dr. Laura had no idea, and apparently didn’t even care.”

I did my own research and the best I can tell its true. Dr. Laura is worshiped by traditionalists as much as Mrs. Doyle. Clinging to every word, words that she doesn’t actually live up to.  This is why I never take advice from any author or strangers online. Its very easy to talk the talk (like in blogging), but few women can walk the walk. They joke amongst themselves sometimes with the old saying, “do as I say, not as I do” tee hee, chuckle chuckle (that makes it OK), but few can actually put their words in practice and I think that is only  natural for a woman’s nature. Intellectually and in theory they get the right thing, but stumble upon putting it in practice.

Blackdragon closes up with this:

“The problem isn’t Bristol Palin. The problem is a society so needy for relationship or sex advice that they’ll listen to just about anyone who gives the said advice, regardless of whether that advice makes sense or if the advice-giver is actually doing (or has done) what they’re advising. Society created Bristol Palin. It’s our fault. And society isn’t done creating more of her.”

It truly is something about Bristol Palin. Mainly that she accepted all the money for abstinences speeches only to end up not married and pregnant again by another father that most likely won’t be around. Sigh.  However, the larger point here is society truly is desperate for relationship and sex advice gurus.  I suspect that is because this advice isn’t coming from family and we are all thrown out there expected to figure it out on own. That opens a big niche for anyone who wants to get famous by just telling people what their itching ears want to hear. Dr. Laura tells traditionalists what they want to hear and a feminist version of Dr. Laura dispenses advice for what the itching feminists ears wants to hear. They all find their target group of people and sell their snake oil.  Blogger after blogger sprouts up with hopes of being the next Dr. Laura.

Women love dispensing advice, but they hate taking advice or rather anything that does not match up to what their itching ears want to hear is deemed criticism or “attacks”. Few do any fact checking and just take the word of some woman online as gospel.  Society may have created Bristol Palin, but in the online world not only does society at large have a hand, but the beta/omega orbiters also play a part in putting women up on a pedestal by evidence of her word only. Do they know these women in real life, usually not, but they say, “wow look at her…if only all women could be like that”, yet its so easy to say one thing and do another and the women get all the benefits and priase of doing the right thing without actually  having to do the right thing. Win-win.  You just have to be a good fiction writer to become a relationship guru. Not to forget, women do the same as the male orbiters because like men who are desperate to validate that unicorns exist, the women are desperate for validation that their life choices are good and true. The internet is a breeding ground for relationship gurus galore. Its not a bad thing in and of itself, it just is what it is and as I have always said, be vigilant and discerning in who you get your advice from.

 

 

But WAIT, I thought Seduction was a Good Thing?

Elizabeth Gilbert now admits that she is a seduction Addict. But wait, how is that bad? There are countless articles about how women should seduce their men, their husbands. Aw, but I know…its A-OK to seduce when its your husband. Addicted to seducing random men —bad. Addicted to seducing husband or significant other– good. Bad Lust. Good Lust.

Much like the controversial definition I pointed out in this post, Elizabeth says:

“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you, of orchestrating somebody else’s longings to suit your own hungry agenda. Seduction was never a casual sport for me; it was more like a heist, adrenalizing and urgent.”

If desire is naturally there, you don’t need seduction, don’t need to manipulate and coerce. You seduce when you are lacking. When nothing else works to get what you want. Generally, women simply being feminine is enough to spark desire for men. No tricks or frills needed. There are men out there who praise women who talk about seducing their husbands and significant others, but then its often the same men who lambast someone like Elizabeth for doing the same thing. Its all double standards and whether you are on their special snowflake list.

In the end, I suspect seduction will maintain its status as a good thing, but with a warning–just don’t get addicted to it. That was Elizabeth’s fatal flaw. It will be rationalized that is what makes Elizabeth so much worse than other women–she was addicted and let it control her. Other women can’t possibly let that happen, because ya know—NAWALT.

SHOW ME THE RECIPE!!

Please allow for a little homemaker vent. Why is it so hard to find recipes with pictures and instructions without a bunch of fluff? This recipe takes the cake for being the most “me, me, me, look at me and my family” recipe I have ever seen. Can women ever just shut up about themselves for half a second and get to the point, that being the recipe the post is titled after. I do not need to see half a dozen family photos or how great the weekend was or how cute the kids are. Granted, not all this woman’s posts are like that but this captures the general trend of what recipes have become these days. There are countless recipe blogs in this style.  Blather, blather, more blather and a recipe tucked in, but let me guess, the photos and personal small talk make the blog poster more “relatable”.  Whatever did women of yesteryear do when they had to write a recipe on a tiny 3×5 card. Wowee, now those were oppressive times! How did women survive if they couldn’t talk about themselves?

Internet use to be a good place for recipes. It was great to not have to buy or borrow all those cookbooks, plus getting all of the reviews is a big benefit you don’t get from a book, but I am starting to think good old-fashioned cookbooks are worth the money and shelf space just to be able to quickly skip the fluff and get to the bread and butter (no pun intended). It all leaves me wanting to yell, “SHOW ME THE RECIPE”!

Read “Men Are Against Men Too”

This post is really, really good. “Men are against men too”. Yup, that needed said. It plays out daily and especially in the mircro levels of the manosphere. Read the post in full, especially the experiment detailed in the beginning.

“This is why to point the finger at women (or feminists) is a gross, and in some cases harmful oversimplification. Yes, women are a problem, but men are a problem too. Men could put a stop to this shit if they really wanted to, but they don’t. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Men in society could cure 90% of this societal anti-man garbage in five years or less if they just stopped acting like little bitches (betas) or territorial daddies (Alpha 1.0s). Do they have any intention on doing this? Not really.

Based on my own educated guesses of reading the stats, about 70% of men in today’s Western world are beta males. “Beta” is a range of course; some of these 70% are extreme, hopeless pussies and others are somewhat confident betas, but they’re still beta.

These men go along with just about all of this anti-man, woman-empowerment stuff. They laugh at all those commercials that show husbands and boyfriends as stupid buffoons. They think alimony is a good idea, or at least don’t question it. They agree with videos like this. They make hundreds of “OMG you’re so beautiful!” comments on every pic a girl posts on Facebook or Instagram. They turn into whiny bitches when women dump them.”

For example, white knighting and beta/omega orbiting will never end. No matter how much headway is made against feminism or putting women on a pedestal, there will always be men who triumphantly come in and save the poor dears. She could be seriously at fault, but it matters not. Rather some men want to rely on women to police other women so they can be free to focus on the really important things—like stargazing into their pedastalled woman’s eyes and stroking their ego with hundreds of “OMG brilliant post, your husband must be so lucky” comments on every post a woman completes.

Men don’t really want to put a stop to any of this because they love the drama too. This Is especially so when one female commenter is trolling and the men just give her heaps and heaps of attention. They love arguing and fighting back as much as the troll does. They complain about her being there but then they keep engaging with her. It truly cracks me up to no end.