Beware of Relationship Gurus

From the Blackdragon Blog, I did not know this about Dr. Laura:

“Dr. Laura was a hugely successful radio talk show host who gave advice on relationship issues, mostly marriage and relationships. Being a right-wing Christian, she regularly berated callers, quite angrily, about how they should not “shack up” (i.e. move in with someone) unless legally married, how people should be faithful in marriage, how people should pick quality partners, how people shouldn’t get divorced, how women shouldn’t have babies out of wedlock, how people should respect their family, etc.

She made millions upon millions of dollars with this advice, and was almost a household name.

Just one problem. She had blatantly and repeatedly violated all the advice she gave. She dated a married man. He actually moved in with her, while not being married to her, and stayed with her for nine years. After his divorce, they finally got married. Why? Because she got pregnant. Out of wedlock.

She didn’t speak to her own sister or mother for 18 years. Her mom died alone in her apartment, and no one knew for two months until her dead body started to stink up the place. Dr. Laura had no idea, and apparently didn’t even care.”

I did my own research and the best I can tell its true. Dr. Laura is worshiped by traditionalists as much as Mrs. Doyle. Clinging to every word, words that she doesn’t actually live up to.  This is why I never take advice from any author or strangers online. Its very easy to talk the talk (like in blogging), but few women can walk the walk. They joke amongst themselves sometimes with the old saying, “do as I say, not as I do” tee hee, chuckle chuckle (that makes it OK), but few can actually put their words in practice and I think that is only  natural for a woman’s nature. Intellectually and in theory they get the right thing, but stumble upon putting it in practice.

Blackdragon closes up with this:

“The problem isn’t Bristol Palin. The problem is a society so needy for relationship or sex advice that they’ll listen to just about anyone who gives the said advice, regardless of whether that advice makes sense or if the advice-giver is actually doing (or has done) what they’re advising. Society created Bristol Palin. It’s our fault. And society isn’t done creating more of her.”

It truly is something about Bristol Palin. Mainly that she accepted all the money for abstinences speeches only to end up not married and pregnant again by another father that most likely won’t be around. Sigh.  However, the larger point here is society truly is desperate for relationship and sex advice gurus.  I suspect that is because this advice isn’t coming from family and we are all thrown out there expected to figure it out on own. That opens a big niche for anyone who wants to get famous by just telling people what their itching ears want to hear. Dr. Laura tells traditionalists what they want to hear and a feminist version of Dr. Laura dispenses advice for what the itching feminists ears wants to hear. They all find their target group of people and sell their snake oil.  Blogger after blogger sprouts up with hopes of being the next Dr. Laura.

Women love dispensing advice, but they hate taking advice or rather anything that does not match up to what their itching ears want to hear is deemed criticism or “attacks”. Few do any fact checking and just take the word of some woman online as gospel.  Society may have created Bristol Palin, but in the online world not only does society at large have a hand, but the beta/omega orbiters also play a part in putting women up on a pedestal by evidence of her word only. Do they know these women in real life, usually not, but they say, “wow look at her…if only all women could be like that”, yet its so easy to say one thing and do another and the women get all the benefits and priase of doing the right thing without actually  having to do the right thing. Win-win.  You just have to be a good fiction writer to become a relationship guru. Not to forget, women do the same as the male orbiters because like men who are desperate to validate that unicorns exist, the women are desperate for validation that their life choices are good and true. The internet is a breeding ground for relationship gurus galore. Its not a bad thing in and of itself, it just is what it is and as I have always said, be vigilant and discerning in who you get your advice from.

 

 

But WAIT, I thought Seduction was a Good Thing?

Elizabeth Gilbert now admits that she is a seduction Addict. But wait, how is that bad? There are countless articles about how women should seduce their men, their husbands. Aw, but I know…its A-OK to seduce when its your husband. Addicted to seducing random men —bad. Addicted to seducing husband or significant other– good. Bad Lust. Good Lust.

Much like the controversial definition I pointed out in this post, Elizabeth says:

“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you, of orchestrating somebody else’s longings to suit your own hungry agenda. Seduction was never a casual sport for me; it was more like a heist, adrenalizing and urgent.”

If desire is naturally there, you don’t need seduction, don’t need to manipulate and coerce. You seduce when you are lacking. When nothing else works to get what you want. Generally, women simply being feminine is enough to spark desire for men. No tricks or frills needed. There are men out there who praise women who talk about seducing their husbands and significant others, but then its often the same men who lambast someone like Elizabeth for doing the same thing. Its all double standards and whether you are on their special snowflake list.

In the end, I suspect seduction will maintain its status as a good thing, but with a warning–just don’t get addicted to it. That was Elizabeth’s fatal flaw. It will be rationalized that is what makes Elizabeth so much worse than other women–she was addicted and let it control her. Other women can’t possibly let that happen, because ya know—NAWALT.

SHOW ME THE RECIPE!!

Please allow for a little homemaker vent. Why is it so hard to find recipes with pictures and instructions without a bunch of fluff? This recipe takes the cake for being the most “me, me, me, look at me and my family” recipe I have ever seen. Can women ever just shut up about themselves for half a second and get to the point, that being the recipe the post is titled after. I do not need to see half a dozen family photos or how great the weekend was or how cute the kids are. Granted, not all this woman’s posts are like that but this captures the general trend of what recipes have become these days. There are countless recipe blogs in this style.  Blather, blather, more blather and a recipe tucked in, but let me guess, the photos and personal small talk make the blog poster more “relatable”.  Whatever did women of yesteryear do when they had to write a recipe on a tiny 3×5 card. Wowee, now those were oppressive times! How did women survive if they couldn’t talk about themselves?

Internet use to be a good place for recipes. It was great to not have to buy or borrow all those cookbooks, plus getting all of the reviews is a big benefit you don’t get from a book, but I am starting to think good old-fashioned cookbooks are worth the money and shelf space just to be able to quickly skip the fluff and get to the bread and butter (no pun intended). It all leaves me wanting to yell, “SHOW ME THE RECIPE”!

Read “Men Are Against Men Too”

This post is really, really good. “Men are against men too”. Yup, that needed said. It plays out daily and especially in the mircro levels of the manosphere. Read the post in full, especially the experiment detailed in the beginning.

“This is why to point the finger at women (or feminists) is a gross, and in some cases harmful oversimplification. Yes, women are a problem, but men are a problem too. Men could put a stop to this shit if they really wanted to, but they don’t. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Men in society could cure 90% of this societal anti-man garbage in five years or less if they just stopped acting like little bitches (betas) or territorial daddies (Alpha 1.0s). Do they have any intention on doing this? Not really.

Based on my own educated guesses of reading the stats, about 70% of men in today’s Western world are beta males. “Beta” is a range of course; some of these 70% are extreme, hopeless pussies and others are somewhat confident betas, but they’re still beta.

These men go along with just about all of this anti-man, woman-empowerment stuff. They laugh at all those commercials that show husbands and boyfriends as stupid buffoons. They think alimony is a good idea, or at least don’t question it. They agree with videos like this. They make hundreds of “OMG you’re so beautiful!” comments on every pic a girl posts on Facebook or Instagram. They turn into whiny bitches when women dump them.”

For example, white knighting and beta/omega orbiting will never end. No matter how much headway is made against feminism or putting women on a pedestal, there will always be men who triumphantly come in and save the poor dears. She could be seriously at fault, but it matters not. Rather some men want to rely on women to police other women so they can be free to focus on the really important things—like stargazing into their pedastalled woman’s eyes and stroking their ego with hundreds of “OMG brilliant post, your husband must be so lucky” comments on every post a woman completes.

Men don’t really want to put a stop to any of this because they love the drama too. This Is especially so when one female commenter is trolling and the men just give her heaps and heaps of attention. They love arguing and fighting back as much as the troll does. They complain about her being there but then they keep engaging with her. It truly cracks me up to no end.

Do Husbands really want to make thier Wives Happy?

One of the talking points Laura Doyle continually brings up is that husbands just want to make their wives happy. So much so that it seems this is a man’s sole purpose for living.  The men who believe “happy wife, happy life” are generally less dominant, lower ranking men who make it their life’s mission to please and appease women at all costs. His goal is to make a happy wife, so that he can have a conflict free happy life by escaping her bitching and nagging. This is the easy way out. Rather than managing his woman with proper frame and discipline, he caves to whatever makes her happy, even though it may not be the best for her growth and well-being. On one hand she talks about the importance of finding ways to make yourself happy first (which I totally agree with), but then its overshadowed with how much husbands just want to make their wives happy and thereby putting the onus on him. So, which is it? Who is ultimately responsible for happiness? Yourself or relying on your husband?

Below are some more Laura Doyle quotes from the RPW Reddit:

“I completely agree–men just want their wives to be happy, and as long as your guy knows that the most important thing is that you’re so happy to be married to him, and then also that you would LOVE to be a mom, it’s pretty rare that the guy doesn’t come through and agree to be a dad.”

“In fact, when I worry too much about him, that gets me in trouble because he would really rather be making me happy.’

“Since surrendering, I have to admit I spend a lot less time thinking about how to please my man because I know he’s so happy when he pleases me.”

“I’m also huge on expressing my desires purely (no manipulations, control or criticism) and then we have fun things to do together because I’m getting what I want and he’s doing something to make me happy.”

“The Six Intimacy Skills to awaken his natural desire to make her ridiculously happy and become the cherished woman she always wanted to be 100% of the time.”

“I completely agree–men just want their wives to be happy, and as long as your guy knows that the most important thing is that you’re so happy to be married to him, and then also that you would LOVE to be a mom, it’s pretty rare that the guy doesn’t come through and agree to be a dad. A lot of kids are born because their moms wanted them and their dads wanted to make their woman happy”

If you’re happy, he’s happy because he feels successful making his wife happy.”

“They are so naturally devoted and have such a drive to make their wives happy that they don’t really need any special training”

“Then he can reconsider his thinking (or not) based on my desire, which is super important to him, because he wants me to be happy.”

As if This hasn’t Happened Before

From the Daily Mail:

Is rich mom’s tell-all Upper East Side memoir a web of lies? Public records show holes in her story

Reminds me of this post and then some.

But wait, maybe those catching the inconsistencies are just jealous?! Yeah, that solves it. Nothing to see here.

I also see the mention of “Wife bonus” in the Daily Mail Article. I guess this “author” coined that new craze that I see circulating around in RPW world. Maybe its not even true now if this comment means anything:

I knew she was lying with the wife bonus thing. I work in the hedge fund world. Trust me, if it was happening, the husbands would be bragging about it and how wonderful they are to their wives. She had the whole timing of when the bonuses would be paid completely wrong. They wouldn’t receive it by Xmas or year end. It comes after that.

Being Loved Means Never Having to Put Gas is Your Car

This is the first post in what I think will be a series of posts unpacking some of the comments author, Laura Doyle, left on the Red Pill Women reddit. Its truly a gold mine of material. I will preface what is about to come with I am 110% for the general theme of what she advocates but their is a certain femdom twist to what she is selling that can easily be missed, not to mention the attitude of “I’m a special princess and my husband’s job is to make me happy”.

To start she says:

“Since surrendering, I have to admit I spend a lot less time thinking about how to please my man because I know he’s so happy when he pleases me. I think I’m receiving about 100 to 1 around here now, and he loves it and I love it. I do express a lot of gratitude. I’m super grateful to be treated like the princess every day, and to hear how I’m beautiful and never have to put gas in my car and on and on. I can’t thank him enough, but I definitely try!”

This is traditional feminism at its finest where women are so pampered and treasured they shouldn’t even have to be burdened with the horror of putting gas in their cars. Seriously, there is nothing challenging, back breaking or even annoying about putting gas in your car. Its part of being a competent adult.  If I were a man,  I might think if you she can’t put gas in her car maybe she shouldn’t even have one. Of course it will be argued, its not that she “can’t” its that if a man wants to do something nice for her, why begrudge him?  I get that to a point and my beef is more how it comes across –“I’m a special snowflake cause my man loves me so much I don’t have to put gas in my car and you too can have such a cushy life if you just follows these simple steps”. Frankly, speaking for myself and I think a good portion of women, we don’t want our men doing such things. We want to be seen as first officers, competent, willing, and even enjoying to do the more mundane things of life.  There is nothing like putting in a hard day of work. The more dirty and sweatier, often the more fulfilling. A day of luxury at home with full make-up and dress makes me feel lethargic and unproductive. To a degree, I have a Victorian outlook on womanhood, but as it relates to the lower and middle class Victorian women who did hard work day in and out, not the wealthy aristocratic Victorian women.

There is a variety of Victorian traditionalism out there that says women should live a pampered life of ease while the man goes out and does all the hard work; after-all she is the fairer, more delicate sex and she should not be exposed to chores that are not lady-like.  The point here is would she or any woman still submit if he didn’t fill her car with gas, didn’t treat her like a princess, didn’t tell her how beautiful she is? Submitting and writing all these things is so easy when the man makes it easy to submit.

“Speaking of extroverted attention-seeking. I just wrote a book that kills off a whole class of mental-health professionals, for example. Am I insecure? Sometimes! Terrified at other times. Jealous at times too, (though rarely around my husband–more when I see other relationship experts having a big platform and giving out lame advice like, “Marriage is hard work.” Yes, Dr. Phil–I mean you.) We’re all vulnerable. It’s part of what connects us. We’ve all made mistakes. We all fear being ejected from the tribe, or being unlovable. “

Saying “marriage is hard work” is lame advice? That’s nuts. Of course its hard work, but Mrs. Doyle’s books and advice suggest you just need a set of certain skills and its all easy breezy. Nothing is ever that simple when you are dealing with complex human beings. The fine ladies around these parts have even written on the “struggles” of marriage, that its suppose to be a struggle, that is how you know its good and true. Those who claim its easy for them, or specifically submitting are easily written off as not knowing mature love or not being married long enough to really understand. These are the same women who idolize this author. So, which is it–is marriage hard work or isn’t it?

In Mrs. Doyle’s new book,  there is a quiz section where she asks whether the following is true or false: “For a marriage to improve, both people have to work at it”. She answers by saying this is false; that “women have far more power in a relationship and therefore have he ability to revitalize the intimacy of a marriage single handedly. Men rise to the occasion, but women set the tone.”

Whatever happened to the old adage it takes “two to tango”? I admit women can have a lot of influence, even as much as 80% but to say that singlehandedly they can save a relationship or marriage is unrealistic. You can have a lot of power or influence but in the end you can’t change people if they don’t want to change or participate in the relationship. If this is true maybe women singlehanedely can cure a lot more of the world’s problem. Maybe they can get the alcoholic and drug addicts sober. Maybe an alcoholic doesn’t need to have to WANT to change, but that she can make him change just by being magical woman. Both partners need to communicate and work together to solve problems and if believing such is false, then all this does is set up false hope for women. When they fail at changing men or their marriage, they beat themselves up cause after all, she ALONE has the powers to solve everything and if she can’t solve everything she is a miserable failure.

Also, “men rise to the occasion, but women set the tone” suggests that women are the leaders. Women set the tone, raise the bar and its the man’s job to submit or rise to that bar. Men love women like Mrs. Doyle and her followers because it relieves him of any work. He can just kick back and blame everything on the woman because she hasn’t set the tone yet for him to respond to.

Marriage as a “developmental priority”

This article is all par for the course, but this part gave some clarity on what marriage is really about:

“And as Regnerus states, churches need to emphasize marriage as a “developmental priority” for young people and provide avenues for Christian singles to meet one another in a safe, supportive environment.”

Marriage truly is a box to check off. If its not checked, you are developmentally delayed. So is it any wonder both men and women rush into marriage. If you don’t marry and especially within a certain time frame you are marked and people will make hasty decisions to avoid that stigma. Settling is what we do when we want to appear to be developmentally on track. For women, its keeping up with all the other women in her age range. She rushes to get married cause if not, she will be the baby still crawling while her friends are all walking down the aisle.

Further, the tone of the article is that men aren’t fully developed unless they are married or until they are tamed by a wife.

Beta Orbiters Instead of Cats

To not cause embarrassment to women who publically talk about their personal life, I will speak of something I have witnessed in general terms and not mention names. It astounds me how women can gush, gush, and gush some more about their fiancé only for him to do a few bad things, bad at least according to her words, and in a heartbeat she goes from all the lovey-dovey talk to trash talking him and calling him a mother f—-. We never will know his side of the story.  These are red pill women.  You know the ones who harp on their submission and what perfect women they are and how they “get it”.

For example, if your fiancé asks you to give up your blog and few other red pill blogs because of suspicions over some online footsies with the men, then give up your blog. The fiancé probably had valid concerns over this but for women it can be a much bigger rush to get the attention and excitement online.  If he is making me give up my blog, that is controlling me and I won’t stand for that!  Its all said in the same tone were a feminist to be upset over her man making her give up her career to stay at home. Maybe he was feeling he wasn’t coming “first” and this is not something to shame him over, but was probably a well founded concern given the amount of time spent chatting with men online. I thought the red pill women were all about putting their men first, well, until he pisses you off then women always have plan B — plan Beta blanket to comfort her.

I wonder if the new trend will be women will end up alone not surrounded by their cats but by their Beta orbiters.

Women can only be Criticized in Private

It has been made abundantly clear that women can only be criticized in private, because after all keeping the polished appearance means everything. It would be unthinkable to ever humiliate, shame, call out, or disagree with a blog hostess in public or a woman in everyday life in public. We just can’t let the poor dear feel embarrassed and especially not so in front of her fan club.  She must be sheltered and protected.  It doesn’t matter if said hostess is all about exposing herself and sharing intimate details publically, to dispute or rebuke any of that, it must be done in private. Its a one way street. Agree and applaud everything I say, or tell me in private so it can be screened and my fan club or beta orbiters will not be aware that you found a hole in my persona.

A public blog is not a living room, rather it is a public park. It is a public space unless you make you blog private and give access to who you want to invite in (like your house). After gaining a significant following, if a woman is so averse to public criticism she should make her blog private and only let in the fan club, but wait! Then how would she go about her mission of spreading joy, her beauty, and inspiration throughout the world. The world would clearly die without her presence and so many relationships would fail without her advice. So, she is between a rock and a hard place. The only way to get around it is to kindly ask that criticism be done in private and then its a win-win. She can have her cake and eat it too.

If some comments are so offensive, delete them and if you want, respond to them in private. Seems simple enough. Be the strong one where rather than humiliate a person back, delete the comment and respond in private.  Every woman wants an online platform, but only if it keeps her firmly on the pedestal. None want to deal with the flipside that comes with having an online presence.

I will not cite the source that has prompted this post because I will try not to humiliate. I just wish those who believe that women should rather be rebuked and criticized in private would actually do it. I can only think of one woman who has put her actions where her mouth is on this topic and emailed me. I expect women who will want to criticize this post and believe that criticism should be done in private to put your words in action and actually email me (unmaskingfeminism@gmail.com). What I have learned is that women may feel a social duty to be nice to each other, but only in public. In private, when they think no one else is watching, when there are no men to applaud their femininity, the gloves come off. This goes with gossip as well. About a year ago there were some women professing about how gossiping is so wrong, but later I found a private group they started where they were talking about me and others in private. These are Christian ladies for you–appearances, appearances, appearances!

Bottom line — if you are going to expose yourself in public you should be able to defend yourself in public.

Related: The Game of Appearance